The internet pressured me into watching 365 Days, why did I listen?

Story

While on holiday with her wasteman of a boyfriend in Italy, marketing exec Laura is kidnapped by Italian mafia boss Massimo and is given 365 days to fall in love with him.

*sigh* Where do I even start…

Firstly, the story is wack WHY IN GOD’S NAME SHOULD I ROOT FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP? No seriously, can someone who made this movie answer that question for me? Why should I root for Massimo and Laura, their relationship (if you can call it that) starts because he kidnapped her with some really thinly veiled story about how he saw her in a vision while he was dying 5 years prior. I mean he has a photo of her in his house! That’s a HUGE red flag. I may not be a relationship coach but I am 100% sure that you don’t start a relationship that way. The whole thing is supposed to be romantic but given the fast-paced nature of the storytelling (I’ll get to that in a minute), it just feels rushed. Massimo and Laura’s relationship is purely dictated by the plot as one minute they hate each other, the next they don’t.

*excuse me for a minute*

Acting

The acting leaves SO MUCH to be desired. The two main actors, Anna-Maria Sieklucka (Laura) and Michele Morrone (Massimo) have very good chemistry (I can imagine a film like this would be awkward if they didn’t) and the chemistry carries the film. While it leaves much to be desired, the acting is not bad per se, a little cringy at times but not bad. Michele does lay it on a bit thick sometimes (I’m looking at you baby girl line) but I’m assuming he was written that way in the book so I’m not going to hold it against him too much.

The better scenes between them (acting-wise) are the ones where one of them is speaking in a language that the other doesn’t understand because it’s authentic and humanizes them. I wish there were more scenes like that. The scenes after they get together should be really sweet but because the movie has been so rushed at this point, you don’t believe it. Look I am really trying to not roast the movie too much at this point because I have other things to roast.

Writing/Direction

After some research, I found out that the movie is based on a book (it’s actually a trilogy. YAYYYY) and this explains a lot. I am pretty sure the book is told through Laura’s perspective and we can see the inner workings of her mind and why she feels the way she feels. Having a story like this in a visual medium doesn’t work because the only things we know about the characters is what we see. There’s no inner monologue telling us how anyone feels at any specific moment so we have to go with what we see which at times makes no sense.

I’m also sure that a lot of the book was cut out or changed because it happens with every single book to movie adaptation. That could explain why the movie feels disjointed and rushed because scenes that show the passage of time may have been cut out for scenes with more shock and awe.

Seeing as it is an adaptation, the main issue with the writing comes from the source material. There is no depth here and I don’ know if there was ever meant to be (I AM NOT READING THE BOOK TO FIND OUT, THE MOVIE WAS BAD ENOUGH. Also, I don’t understand Polish)

The dialogue is bad. In some scenes, it feels as though the characters are having two separate conversations as they jump between lines. Other times the dialogue is cliche and predictable. Even though I had never watched the movie before, I could guess 80% of what the characters were going to say. And that is not because I am clairvoyant. One of my favourite YouTube channels, Let Me Explain, described this movie as having the same dialogue quality as The Room, and he’s not far off, it really is that bad.

I mention the fast pacing and when I say fast, I mean fast. It feels as though the movie speeds through a lot of changes to get to the sex scenes/scenes where Massimo and Laura are “in love” (more like lust but sure). Speaking of sex scenes, they are gratuitous and long. It became uncomfortable to watch and I don’t know how anyone could watch it in a cinema full of people without cringing. There is no need for the scenes to be as long as they are.

By the time you get to the end, it feels rushed. There is no real story progression in this movie which makes is really jarring to watch as Massimo and Laura move from scene to scene with no growth. How do you expect me to believe the man who was borderline violent with her, in the beginning, is the same man who asked her to marry him in the third act?

While I don’t expect hyper-realism in every single film I watch, this makes no freaking sense.

CGI/Set Design

I may hate almost everything about this movie but I have to admit that it is stunning. The exterior shots while Massimo and Laura are in and around Italy are absolutely stunning.

The film as a whole looks good, it’s sleek and scenes are well lit and framed with vibrant colours that make the characters visually stand out. I talk about colour grading a lot and it’s the one thing I liked about the movie. The film looks expensive and lush (it better with a budget of $10 million) but that says more about the cinematographer than the movie itself.

Score/Soundtrack

Think about the kind of soundtrack you would get in a movie like this. You have an idea of what it sounds like? Good because you’re correct. The best way to describe the soundtrack is generic. The songs are not bad and they fit the tone of the movie, but I didn’t feel the urge to find out what any of the songs were like I sometimes do when I watch a movie.

Overall Thoughts

Why did I watch this movie you ask? Internet hype (and blog clicks). I saw the film gaining loads of traction on Twitter and I decided to watch it with some friends on Netflix party. And WE ALL HATED it, it’s too long and too short at the same time. There are huge lapses in logic that were jarring at the start and got really irritating by the end. And while the end is supposed to leave you excited for a sequel (it’s the most interesting part of the movie) you’re so annoyed and jarred by the movie you just watched that you don’t want anything to do with the franchise going forward. And given what I have heard about the third book from people that have read it, the story gets MUCH worse.

So please dear reader, DON’T WATCH THIS MOVIE. You’ve probably seen it on your trending tab on Netflix but I promise you, it is not worth the watch. I can’t get those 115 minutes back and neither can you. So rather than waste your Netflix subscription, watch something else (I hear The Old Guard is good) instead of a shallow collection of moving videos, barely held together by bad dialogue, montages, and overlong gratuitous sex scenes.

Originally published at http://www.thecinematicaficionado.com on July 4, 2020.